Ladies and gentlemen…Ellen DeGeneres
this movie is the scariest shit
the scariest part is that this is exactly how most parents are
have you seen this movie i can assure you this is definitely not the scariest part
This movie is a horror film on crack! ((My sister cried for hours and slept in my room for WEEKS.))
my god this is the epitome of my mom
What mum is like this
My mum worries about me crossing the road or cooking frozen pizza
personally, i think the book is worse, like scarier
If dudes are expected to have a lot of sex
But ladies are expected to stay virgins until marriage
But homosexuality is bad
I’m really confused who dudes are supposed to be having all that sex with
Guys I got it
Society is literally telling dudes to go fuck themselves
Guys, let me tell you about orcas.
Orca whales are mean motherfuckers. They cruise the oceans with only two things in mind: one, having sex, and two, eating every poor fuck they find out there that’s smaller than them. They are such badass motherfuckers that even great white motherfucking sharks don’t dare fuck with them, which in my books, places them above the sperm whale as Biggest Badass of the Ocean. And why don’t sharks bother them, you may wonder? Because orcas fucking learned that if you flip a shark over they go into a sort of coma, so now they do it intentionally so they can eat the motherfucking sharks. Not only that, but orcas have also learned how to hunt sperm whales and motherfucking sea birds.
The orca whale lives in a matriarchal pod. Every pod has unique hunting methods and whatnot, which is passed down from parent to offspring- these scary fuckers have formed civilizations. And what do they do for fun, apart from hopping around on the water’s surface and grinning like crazy mofos? They hunt for fun, going so far as to tip over ice floes and beach themselves just for the thrill of killing.
Now, I know what you’re thinking. Orca whales are too damn cute and smiley looking to be heartless predators of the sea. Well, let me counter-argue with this photo:
THOSE ARE NOT THE TEETH OF A CREATURE THAT WANTS TO BE YOUR FRIEND.
Reblogging for excellent commentary.
Why has nobody mentioned what’s happening in the original gif?
This is how orcas hunt - or, it’s one of the ways they do. They have a ton of tricks and techniques they use to fuck up everything below them on the food chain, and that gif portrays my personal favorite.
Orcas will literally BEACH THEMSELVES to grab unsuspecting seals (or whatever else happens to be splashing around in the surf) and snarf them down like hot dogs. Yeah, that’s right. This is a 6-ton apex predator, crashing right out of the fucking water to snatch their prey right off the beach. Any other animal that size would get stuck there and die, but do you see that fucker? He fucking wriggles right back into the surf. An orca can get all the way up onto dry land and still manage to wiggle their way back into the water to fuck up more shit on another day. There is literally no other sea-dwelling creature of comparative size with that ability - most sea animals lack the muscular strength to move without enough water supporting their weight.
Orcas have also been known to eat moose. Yeah, that’s right. Fucking MOOSE.
You don’t fuck with orcas.
Remember that orcas also eat white sharks and baby whales. They basically eat anything available, like humans.
(They also speak different languages depending the area where they live - for example New Zealand orcas have a twist in their language, while Canada orcas spoke with more musical and longer tone. Family pods also have different dialects. And every orca has a unique voice of its own!)
@colinodonoghue1: just letting you know that Buckley my dog does not have a twitter account
professor flitwick was ruthless as fuck like he even addressed harry by his name whilst asking for his name
To me, Loki hits such a different level of beauty when he’s calm and thoughtful.
i don’t get why guys are so squeamish about girls not shaving during the winter. have you ever been outside in the winter? it hella cold. and hairy legs are just an adaptation to help stay warm during the winter months. girls with hairy legs showcase a fine set of survival skills and should be strong candidates for mating. you gotta start thinking practically, son.
I love this post so much